A Cautionary Tale About the Dangers of Tide Pods

My first Blogpost!

And it is a "guest column".



"Them Damn Kids Eatin' Tide Pods - A Cautionary Tale

It breaks this old man's heart to drive by a laundromat and see all those kooky teens hanging around, 
foaming at the mouth, camera-phones streaming live as they gnaw on Tide Pods.

Oh sure, they're havin' fun now, and it's a new experience, but it only leads to trouble.

I know. Believe you me…..It's too damn easy to succumb to peer pressure, and end up with a bad habit.
You see, I was a dumb kid once, and I too experimented with 'Liquid Soap'. I started out innocently 
“Sippin' The Snug” with my buds in a friend's mom's laundry room every now an' then, but things got outa hand, 
and quickly spiraled out of control….before I realized it, ~I~ was a stone-cold Snuggle Addict. 
A Snug Hugging 'beast of the bear'….



Soon I found myself mainlining pure, undiluted Snuggle, alone, in my own laundry room. Directly into the jugular vein. 
I was hooked: I had a bear on my back. I was strung out on “The Snug”. Snuggles The Bear was with me everywhere 
I went looking for my next floral fresh fix, whispering in my ear about getting even fluffier and... softer.

There were many days when I'd snap outa my blissful “Snug Nap” reeking of lavender with a hint of citrus, all soft and fluffy….
so static free that I couldn't keep my pants up. I had hit rock bottom, and I bounced like a jug of Snuggle rebounding off 
a fluffy folded towel in slow motion as Snuggy smiled at me with his dead button eyes….just like in the commercials.

It was only through the intervention of Mr. Clean that I finally cleaned up my act, and returned to the land of the wrinkled 
and scratchy-feeling world. Thanks to that silent bald bastard and his mop and pail, I had finally got Snuggles The Bear
off my back. I wouldn't wish that experience on my worst enemy. So when I see those kooky kids popping a Tide Pod
in their mouth, it makes me want to -

WTF?


Damn…..I wonder if Walmart is open all night? I'll get back to you kids later. I gotta go see a bear about some 'Snug'……"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Goodbye to my daughter.

It's been over 2.5 years since you left and nearly 2 years since we last communicated. I have  struggled all this time with the complexities of this issue. I no longer want to know where you or how you doing, have asked others to stop telling me what they know, and have asked others to stop urging me to be "the adult" and attempt reconcile. You are an adult too and it's unfair that I bear this burden alone. I can no longer "parent" you or be the "bigger person". I too am only human after all and clearly I have gravely failed somewhere along the way. I am sorry for that. I had no parents. I was abandoned as a child and it's probably the strongest experience that I most wanted that you would never know for yourself. Somehow you knew this and this is where you chose to strike at me. I should have known better to let you in. It's not safe. Whenever you make yourself vulnerable, you will get stabbed in the heart- even from you own child, who kno
Read more

"Mewling, puking babes, " Jean Shepherd

" Mewling, puking babes. That's the way we all start. Damply clinging to someone's shoulder, burping weakly, clawing our way into life. All of us." Jean Shepherd from here:  The Endless Streetcar Ride into the Night, and the Tinfoil Noose From  In God We Trust, All Others Pay Cash By Jean Shepherd https://www.nsftools.com/misc/EndlessStreetcarRide.html IF you find yourself feeling alone in the world, you aren't wrong about that. You have no one to rely on but yourself. That's just the way it is. Those that birth us often invest much in our survival. But that may be the extent of their investment. IF during your life and by some chance you happen to find someone who loves you for yourself, just they way you are, you are very fortunate indeed. It's unlikely that this will happen but it could. And IF that person turns on you- even after a significant amount of time- just remember:  " Mewling, puking babes. That's the way we all start. Damply clinging
Read more

Kevin Spacey

 There's a new podcast coving Spacey, some of his history, and the charges against him. https://www.radio.net/podcast/the-kevin-spacey-trial-unfiltered While I will never defend adults hitting on minors, and I recognize that everyone has their own responses to unwanted (or even wanted) sexual advances, I also have questions about Rapp suffering 40 million dollars worth of 'severe psychological trauma' from the sexual advance he claims Spacey made on him when Spacey was 26 and Rapp was 14. The event is described in the podcast several times in detail using trial and deposition transcripts, and including Rapp's own words. I (female) certainly fended off unwanted advances from adults (both male and female adults) when I too was a poorly supervised/unsupervised minor and some of those advances were much more aggressive and problematic than what Rapp describes. Perhaps I just have something in me that made me more resilient or more resistant to damage from these advances tha
Read more